When I was in high school, like many others my age, I graduated and moved to my respective college thinking I would stay in touch with everyone. In high school I was friends with a lot of different people but I too had my core group of friends. After the big move, you would slowly disconnect with people. The friends you thought you would have forever, or the people that were just a friendly face in the hall. Life happens and for the time being, there simply wasn't the time to keep in touch. Even some family members get pushed toward the back shelf. Its not that you care any less for them, more that the new and exciting adventures in your life seem to take precedent.
At the same time you are disconnecting with old friends, you are connecting with new ones. People from other areas, other backgrounds, etc. They are new, different, and intriguing. Often, they have the same interests as you and seem to fit, like a part of a puzzle you never knew was missing a piece. You grow, share memories, hardships, accomplishments and you change, hopefully for the better. But all too soon, its time to say goodbye again. Some friends will stay close while others will move across the country. You say goodbye and it doesn't seem as easy as before.
The next phase in life for many is your first job. You start new and fresh. You meet coworkers, neighbors, and random strangers. They are your "adult friends". You all have responsibilities. More than you've ever had before. You have a budget, a job, work assignments, a family, and a significant other. The "hangouts" change drastically. Instead of parties and bars, you have wine nights, meet for an early dinner, go to shows together, etc. Life is different, but you still find it just as enjoyable.
In my case, I went to graduate school and was blessed with thirteen beautiful people I got to call friends. Each person was from a different state, a different background, and had different ideas and beliefs. While we weren't all "best friends", I can say honestly we cared very much for each other. Similarly, my first job blessed me with not only two amazing bosses, but their families. They accepted me as one of their own. Though we didn't have to be, we became family more than friends.
I'm not sure if the friends we make as we get older mean more to us, or rather, because they are there for so many life changes and difficulties, we accept them as truer. I've never had a friend I didn't care about, and like many, I can say I would do almost anything to help a friend.
I think as we mature, and get older we learn to appreciate the value of a good friend. The frailty of life, and how quickly the people we care about can be taken away. We look back and realize the friendships that meant the most to us, and in some cases, the friendships we wish we hadn't let go. In my experience, those friends are missing you just as much as you are missing them. It takes courage to reach out to someone you feel you have disappointed, but the reward is worth the fear.
I think the true testament of a great life is the people you surround yourself with. You hope god blesses your life with individuals that will help you grow and be the best version of you there is. You hope you are able to do the same for them. The number of people that fit this bill may be slim. But you'll know who they are when you meet them.
As I walked across the stage this past weekend, graduating and moving towards my next adventure in life, I found myself smiling instead of crying. And this is my advice:
Give yourself to others and let them give to you. Speak kindly, share your stories, and listen to theirs. You won't know the answer to everything, and neither will they. You will fall down and you will help each other up. Always give more than you take. And above all else, let people know how much they mean to you. At the end of the day, if you can smile instead of cry when saying goodbye, you know you did it. You are smiling because you know its impossible to say goodbye to people who live in your very heart and soul. You have given love and you have received it.
Corinthians 13:7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
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